Purple Guava

Figuring out what love is.

2010-09-01T10:49:00.001-07:00

Not sure about others, for me it is close to denying myself and seeking to meet my beloved's needs.

Does she know you love him when you say you do, or maybe she feels loved by the actions more?

LOve is what your partner prefers and not you. However! If the partner feels your desire notto do something loving and notices that you are doing it for the sake of doing it, you would rather NOT do it.

Spending time with each other. Even if it is a long distance thing. However far. If you are on a date BE with the partner, if you are chatting, close all the other windows on the computer. Make the partner feel that you are available in that point in time and s/he can share anything with you.

Puh Lease be honest. The truth need not be positive. Respect your partner by being truthful even if it is about each others weaknesses or strengths.

Whatever your partner's needs be, that is what you should be doing to love him or her.

The moment you start insisting on your way or doing what YOU want, you stop showing love to your spouse.

Say whatever is true,and if the truth does not please the partner,let the partner let you go.

De Nile

2010-01-31T08:49:00.000-08:00

Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. And when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired, we are scared, denying it doesn't change the truth. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world. Head on, guns blazing. De Nile. It's not just a river in Egypt, it's a freakin' ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it?

like children-like father

2010-01-31T08:45:00.001-08:00

I've heard that it's possible to grow up - I've just never met anyone who's actually done it. Without parents to defy, we break the rules we make for ourselves. We throw tantrums when things don't go our way, we whisper secrets with our best friends in the dark, we look for comfort where we can find it, and we hope - against all logic, against all experience. Like children, we never give up hope...

Fair Proverbs

2009-12-08T01:00:00.000-08:00

You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true.
At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. It's like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And it's not so important happy ever after, just that its happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you , and once in a while people may even take your breath away.
A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying.

I

2009-03-11T23:28:00.000-07:00

I have been striving not to eliminate my complexes but to get into accord with them. Legitimately, these are what direct me to conduct myself. I have been trying very-very hard to be honest with myself and my relationships. It's just too difficult- even when I am trying with all my heart and soul to do this exercise. Most of the people think I am somewhat crazy (some absolutely!), they think that way because I am too profound, especially with my emotions and their expression.
***
I have fallen in love twice. Both the times after exactly the same duration of having been there, I realized I could not do it. Hence, I gave up.
***
Before I first fell in love, I used to be more moral than I thought but after I fell in love, I discovered I was far more immoral than I could have ever imagined. I would not admit I am a neurotic, but yes I hate ambiguity.I make the most of it and have seen that whenever someone has tried to talking it away from me, I have defended my neurocism like a lioness her young--the reason why I and my ex had to part ways. I have been crazy but more so when I have been in love.
***
I have never been more defenseless in my life as I have been during and after I have been in love with another being. Before that I was feeble. Everything seemed distressing and unavoidable. They say, whoever loves becomes humble and that those who love, have pawned a part of their narcissism. But why is it so difficult to stay that humble? Why do we jump out of that humility suddenly? Or, to stay in love forever? Even if it is with different people, why are we expected to love the same person all out life? And if I don't, I am a gigantic mistake. That I dont have a character. Or that I am a failure....
Why?

From you to me...

2009-03-11T22:46:00.000-07:00

Sitting here outside,
seeing the planes fly by
and asking myself, "did she see that? One red and two green.."
And tryiing to pen down some words
which is not an easy thing btw,
because are there words for those puppy sounds
which my heart skip a beat,
or for the colors her hairbands dye my heart,
or when you stick your tongue out at me,
or when you blew my nose at the hot springs,
was it motherly or loverly?
BUt at that moment I loved you more.
Or when you call fifty times do a dead cell owned by a careless man,
just to know that he is safe.
I also ask myself,
as you do, "do I love her?"
I know that I do
but you deserve much more.
Its the small details I miss and I will say without being a bore
give me your thapaades once in a while
and let my love be your strength
not weakness is the matter that I want to stress.

saiyyan

2009-02-27T22:22:00.000-08:00

...mora saiyyan mosay bolay naa

main laakh jatan kar haar rahii...

always

2008-07-25T23:40:00.000-07:00

i yearn for a dreamt place
a river flowing, coming from the highest mountain.

my soul yearns for the redemption of the softest smile.
for quiet whispers and thoughts,
which were never said yet clearly heard.

my heart…
aches.

the shimmer of hope
leaves me empty.

but I jus saw the silver line
and am running fast to fly high

if only I can touch it once
I know I can be with you

always...

it is you that i miss...always.

Title-Less Qand A

2008-06-04T00:51:00.000-07:00

Okay, so unlike most of my friends, I am not doing anything 'substantial' in my life these days-which I should, because after all its my age to be working and earning and 'kuchh kar ke dikhane ki'!!

par mera mann hii nahi hai-abhi toh nahi hai kam se kam!!! So what have I been doin? Well amongst other things two very distinct things that I have been 'wasting' my time upon are- daydreaming and reading my fellow friends' blogs. You have no idea how amazing this is and how I wish I had more and more time for them..especially day dreaming!!
Anyway so there's this friend a mine who has written this blog on psychologies and has prompted me to kinda answer those questions. The questions can be found here: Forced_Ambitions

Now I shall answer those questions one by one, slowly, thinkingly,veryyyy slowly...first question is

Q1) What do you miss most about childhood ?
Answer) Hmmm...hmmm...damn this is gonna be misty. Anyway. Ok so the most I miss about my childhood is (its incredible..but, wat the hell!!) making paper-boats, steering them away in the choppy waters and fighting with my then puppy love about who would be the captain of the boat. Another thing I miss the most is being all soiled in dirt and keecharh and my daadi wud come screaming-looking for me. And I would try to hide somewhere thinking that here comes the thrasher!! But daadi is what I miss the most-the moooost. I love you daadi.

Q2) What makes you glad that you're at this age?
Answer) Glad? Not sure. Happy and craving for more, cus I know what all exists-yes!! A lot in life that I want and have and feel happy about. The love that I have, a few friends that I have, my daddy, my pretty healthy body-this is the time of my life when I can explore the most in world and in me---so Im grateful to God about almost everything he has given me.

Q3) What kind of people repel you?
Answer) A few years ago, I would have written a whole paper on that! But I feel nobody's inherently bad really. Its all bloody circumstances and the damned relativity that a person can be bad for one and god for the other. Kind of people-cant answer that, however people who know about their 'flaws' and still don't do much to make their life better are quite a pain in the u know wat!

Q4) What is the biggest dilemma you have faced?
Answer) Is right now--as in what kind of job to take up? Whether to run after money-cus I need it, or whether to do something I can empathize with and live a saint's life which is gonna be damn difficult for me...but Im thinking..and thinking..god bless me.

Q5) So what do you think of marriage now?
Answer) Here i absoltely agree with my bhai that, those who decide to get married should
be mentally prepared to give what it takes to make it a success. Its much more difficult than it sounds. I'm not sure if I'd be able to make my marriage a success-no one knows that. But its those people who have made up their mind that no matter what they will make their union work, wo eventually celebrate their platinum jubilee. Of course I dont expect my partner to compromise his personality to make it work-nor would I, however it will be a bliss if they understand each other's flaws and good points and communicate affectionately about BOTH!!

Q6) So would you prefer a live-in relationship to marriage?
Answer) Hmm...it would give me a lot of discomfort and having been a part of our society for so long...it would inevitably-sub-consciously frustrate me somewhere and that will affect my relationship...So there. Phew!

Q7) What would you change about yourself?
Answer) Be more active and less procrastinating and more forgiving in life. I have issues-you can figure!

Q8) What do you think of the Indian youth?
Answer) Sorry no comments. Everybody is different and the most I'd say here is that to a great extent it is the families that make the youth what they are. Good, Bad or Ugly.

Q9) What about the man-woman divide?
Answer) There is a divide not only between the genders but between every single thing from other things. That is absolutely inevitable. Absolutely. But looking down others with a superiority complex is a sign of inferiority in self. Rather having any kind of complex for that matter. I don't understand why there is this hue and cry and has been there from time immemorial about the gender and class divide? If only we all let each other (bigger-smaller) be, it would be a much better place to live in with or without the differences.

Q10) So you think women are less empowered?
Answer)No and yes. It depends on what kinda task we are talking about. Empowered for what? and also what kind of man and woman per se are we talking about. If you are talking about making babies...both men and women are required, developing them, women are more empowered and perhaps to live in a jungle without any amenities men are more empowered...dats just my imagination...NO intentions of offending any of you out there. I love both men and women equally:)

Q11) What would you never change about yourself?
Answer) Thought a lot....a lawwt. I guess its for my close friends to really tell me what they wouldn't want me to ever change...get rid of! If I answer that it might be a little too immodest on my part, cus I guess I have quite list in my head for that ;)

Guys who have read through these answers, I would request you to answer one or more or if u have time all of the above questions...is pretty much fun! Trust me :)

one of my favorite songs...

2008-05-01T02:07:00.000-07:00

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’97
Wear sunscreen
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be
it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by
scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable
than my own meandering
experience…I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not
understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and
recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before
you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you
imagine.

Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as
effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing
bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that
never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm
on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you

Sing

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with
people who are reckless with yours.

Floss

Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes
you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with
yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you
succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your
life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they
wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year
olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children,maybe
you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky
chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t
congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your
choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. Enjoy your body,
use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people
think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever
own..

Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

(Brother and sister together we'll make it through
Someday your spirit will take you and guide you there
I know you've been hurting, and I know I've been waiting to be there
for you. And I'll be there, just tell me now, whenever I can.
Everybody's free.)

Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for
good.

Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the
people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you
should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and
lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you
knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live
in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will
philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize
that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were
noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund,
maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one
might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will
look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who
supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of
fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the
ugly parts and recycling it for more than
it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen…

BUT HOW TO PICK THE BEST SUNSCREEN??

celebrate anyway

2008-04-24T00:37:00.000-07:00

Say, my love, I came to you
With best intentions
You laid down and gave to me just what
Im seeking
Love, you drive me to distraction

Hey my love do you believe that we
Might last a thousand years
Or more if not for this?
Our flesh and blood it ties
You and me right up and down

Celebrate, you and me, climbing
Two by two, to be sure
These days continue, things we cannot change

via a friend

love making

2008-04-23T23:17:00.000-07:00

I love making cake
I love making chicken biryani
I love making new friends
I love making plans
I love making banana and butter sandwich
I love making kheer
I love making sarcastic comments but not being one
I love making photo frames
I love making fast-few-stroke paintings
I love making bed
I love making a difference
I love making puppy-sounds
I love making new year and diwali greeting cards
I love making people smile
I love making friends laugh out loud
I love making memories that would make me smile
I love making money
I love making a grand entrance
I love making photo-albums on facebook
I love making maggi-the hot curry one
I love making more words than Anand on scrabble board
I love making faces
I love making lemonade
I love making fun of star plus

ummm....dats it for moi I guess...wat do you love making?

colored walls

2008-04-23T03:52:00.001-07:00

That's on the streets of Atlanta (Georgia, is it?) in the U.S. Thats a cousin and her friends checking out some grrreat graffiti on the walls there. Just love the colors!

Rationalise or Psychoanalyse?

2008-04-23T03:00:00.000-07:00

No seriously!! Someone tell me why? and be convincing at that! Whats the real point? The real point of all this REBT, CBT, BT and Ct? Why does one study them here, in India especially? When one knows that noone-noone will ever come to be treated with any faith in you or in these Cs, Bs, or Rs? Everybody is so damn busy GIVING advices and rationalising their own life that I seriously have no doubts saying that I have probabilistically wasted my past two years in studying this funny yet depressing course!! But there's always a silver line in even the darkest of clouds-in the clinical psychology course of Delhi University at master's level, it was psychoanalysis! Yeah throughout the year I dreaded the classes of this paper, but now that I have infact started reading all the books and articles provided by the professors (Dr. Ashok nagpal and Dr. Honey Oberoi Vahali) I am spellbound! Thats what describes the field most appropriately. Even though I agree that it is the elite's treatment program and could take as many as 15 years to get over with the therapy...I would strongly recommend it. Not only for the neurotics or the 'mentally-ill', but any body who wants to live knowing himself or herself in a better, deeper and known-insighted way should go for psychoanalysis. What I really got enticed by in this paper was the vagueness and the way it made sense of the human behavior in almost all regards. Psychoanalysis offers a good story to make sense of behaviour, but it is . a story the truth of which can never be confirmed. It is a method of treating mental and emotional disorders by discussion and analysis of one’s thoughts and feelings. It relies on the therapist’s ability to make the unconscious conscious and to help guide the patients to resolve their underlying conflicts. It is based on past experiences, but there is limited empirical evidence that supports this theory as it deals with the emotional side of psychology and lacks scientific rigour, partly because there are too many variables involved to enable it to be a controlled study. But that doesn’t mean to say that it is not true, it is just kinda difficult to confirm.

THIS is because I love him (you!)

2008-04-23T00:38:00.001-07:00

I don't know where to begin,
And I know I won't know where to stop.
There's an ocean I can sing on him,
And I'm thirsty for it's every drop..

It's about his eyes when he looks into mine,
And his lowered lashes when he doesn't.
It's his voice, when he speaks to me,
And his silence when he doesn't.

It's his arms when he spreads them to me,
And his hold when I am hugged.
It's his patience, when I'm the 'good' girl,
And his frown when he is bugged.

It's the way I catch him looking at me,
And the way he holds the gaze.
It's the way he sneaks my stuff in,
And pretends he's had it for days.

It's the way his shoulders protect me,
And the way he leaves me free.
It's the way he thinks I'm foolish,
And the way he believes in me.

It's the way he naughtily teases me,
And the way he gives respect.
It's the way he trusts blindly,
And the missing beers that make him suspect.

It's the way he walks towards me,
And that bend in his neck when he turns around.
It's the way he lets me chatter on,
And in a moment, leaves me dumbfound.

It's the way he boasts he's the tough guy,
But in front of me, he melts down.
It's the way he keeps proving he adores me,
And quickly snaps he's just a chauvenist renowned.

It's the way he makes me laugh,
And the way his love makes me want to cry.
It's the way he always just gives,
It's the way he makes me feel inside.

Its not just 'this' or 'that' in him,
You won't understand, you won't.
It's coz of everything that I see in him,
And all of it that you don't….

For Anand